


The Long Lost Tale of Levi Ravioli and Eren Fucking Yeager

by washoveryou (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, i mean it depends, idfk, maybe possibly underage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 19:43:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2883839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/washoveryou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi’s only solace in the shithole of a class that was his seventh hour was the angel sent straight from heaven named Marco, a foreign exchange student from Italy.</p>
<p>Marco was placed as far away from Eren as possible, as a precaution--Eren seemed to be a fucking disease.</p>
<p>At least, he was to Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Lost Tale of Levi Ravioli and Eren Fucking Yeager

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever done. It will be a bit slow in the updates for a while. I’ve got a lot going on. But hopefully that won’t be a habit.
> 
> But, notes, okay: This is crack, and it’s sweet, and it’s got a little bit of plot, and it’s going to be multi-chaptered, even if they’re short af because this is my life yo I can do what I want. Um, so I’m gonna stop being lame now and, uh, ask that you please enjoy! Also, thanks. For everything.

Levi Rivaille lived by two simple and easily-followed rules: 1) Do your job or get a different one and 2) Be respectable. Two very manageable tasks for your average, mind-numbed teenager, of course.

Except, there was only one person in the entire universe who dared to completely and utterly disregard these rules.

Eren Yaeger.

Or, as pretty much everyone who knew him referred to him as: Eren Fucking Yaeger.

Levi may or may not have been the origin of this renaming.

Levi taught French. An easy, if at times complex, language (but at a certain point all languages are both easy and complex, therefore invalidating any opinion one could possibly have about his semi-not-really-native language). He had the devil child, Eren Fucking Jaeger, in his seventh hour class--the perfect ending to an otherwise indifferent day.

The first day of classes, and Eren had himself in the very back of the room, not talking to anyone.

Levi had his own name written in a gorgeous display (not meant to be as much of a display as just his handwriting) on the chalkboard, followed by a, if possible, stern-looking, Or Mr. R. But that will change.

Levi gave a short introduction to the class, handed out a syllabus, told everyone to read the damn handbook if they haven’t already, and then asked if any student had a question.

From the second Levi saw Eren’s hand slowly rise in a lazy half-closed palm, Levi knew.

But he refrained from judgement. Be respectable.

“Yes, sir. And what is your name?”

“Eren Yaeger.”

“Eren, alright, and what is your question?”

“How do you pronounce your last name?”

“Mr. Yaeger, have you taken a French class before?”

“No. But my mom taught me stuff when I was little.”

“Very nice. Could you guess?”

Levi knew exactly what he was doing. This was a test. Was Eren Yaeger a sits-in-the-back-because-he’s-new-and/or-quiet kid OR was he a sits-in-the-back-because-he’s-a-massive-dick kid?

Eren struggled just after the “Riv”. Levi stared and stared until he thought for sure Eren was uncomfortable. Then, like some unholy bolt of lightning down Levi’s spine, Eren’s face lit up in a moment of realization.

Levi almost got to think it was beautiful.

“Ravioli!” Eren said proudly, and the class laughed.

Obviously that train of thought stopped where it did.

“Very funny, Yaeger. You can call me “sir”, then.”

“Yessir!” Eren said, saluting.

“Stay after class,” Levi said, and the room silenced.

+

Something Levi never did was ask kids to stay after class. He just threw detentions in their faces and told them to be early if they wanted fifteen minutes taken off (a perk to being the nicest mean teacher and having a life).

But Erwin wasn’t going to be home until later, and Levi wanted to kill this kid’s attitude while he could.

First day of his second year teaching, and he was already breaking his own damn rules.

Eren Fucking Yaeger, indeed.

“Mr. Yaeger, listen. I’m going to put an end to the insufferable pain you are going to cause me in the future right here and now. This is your Junior year. Don’t make it hell.”

“Yes, sir.” Eren said, looking down at his shoes to hide his smile. Levi should’ve been grateful for this time when Eren had some form of decency. 

Instead, Levi felt whatever the fuck remained in place of his dignity leave his body like a fucking torpedo out of his asshole.

I do not find this scrawny-maybe-not-at-all asshole cute, Levi thought. No way in hell.

Levi took a deep breath to clear his mind before continuing, “I’m just here so you can learn French and hopefully it will help you do whatever it is you plan to do in the future, okay? I’m not going to bullshit you and say that I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you, or that this experience is unimportant. Though, in some cases, both of those are true.”

Levi Ravioli is a lame dad (despite not having children) who makes stupid jokes and laughs at them because he thinks he is hilarious. Eren obviously disagreed.

“Can you promise me that you’re gonna try not to be a total disgrace?”

Eren nodded, cheeks burning a pleasant red.

+

That was not the end. Eren did not try. Levi couldn’t find it in himself to care enough to actually punish him, however, and made him do for Levi what are normally considered favors.

Eren passed notes and stuck gum under desks, the whole nine thousand yards.

To the Levi that never knew Eren, the pure amount of shit that Eren did and said would have been incompre-fucking-hensible.

To the Levi that did know him, it may have been possible, but it was still unbelievable.

Eren Fucking Yaeger was the only reason Levi started cursing so badly again.

No, not only that--he was to blame for so many horrible, horrible things. And, yeah, maybe Levi should have seen it coming because he’s a massive pervert with no boundaries (according to Erwin, anyway).

But there was no fathomable reason why Eren Yaeger, Eren Fucking Yaeger (and lo the name was born), had to wear a pair of tight, waist-high, black shorts that cut off just low enough not to see his ass and definitely did not leave anything to the imagination, coupled with knee-high converse and a muscle tee.

To each their own.

And this wasn’t even for a spirit week or anything! It was just Eren doing something completely ridiculous and unnecessary. Yet again. Because he could.

There was no way in hell a girl would get away with that outfit. But how in the fucking world did it matter whether Eren was a girl or not when his fine, lean muscles and lightly tanned skin and soft lips and gorgeous, capturing eyes and…

No. NO.

Levi wasn’t going to tell him to cover up, no matter what told Levi it was a bad idea to...visually indulge. He didn’t have to, so he didn’t. Less work for him.

+

Levi’s only solace in the shithole of a class that was his seventh hour was the angel sent straight from heaven named Marco, a foreign exchange student from Italy.

Marco was placed as far away from Eren as possible, as a precaution--Eren seemed to be a fucking disease.

At least, he was to Levi.

+

Levi grew up with Erwin, They went through every level of school together, every hardship, every holiday--they couldn’t be considered separate human beings at times.

Sure, they had fights and make-up sex and regret and self-loathing.

They were friends. Who sometimes had sex and cried about awful things. It wasn’t exactly healthy, but it worked.

Well, until the school year started, that is.

Well, until Eren Fucking yaeger, that is.

Well, until Levi apparently wanted to go to jail for many things.

Then Levi wanted sex a lot more, but not with Erwin. Which was unusual because it was always Erwin.

And then it wasn’t.


End file.
